Episode 6: Listen to Your Heart

Maria Hinojosa reads the story of Tania Chairez

Maria Hinojosa is the lead anchor and executive producer of Latino USA, and the founder of Futuro Media. She reads the story of Tania Chairez - a social entrepreneur and Motus staff member who grew up undocumented in Arizona - sharing her struggle to protect good parents, just like her own, from the attacks against the immigrant community.

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Guests

Maria Hinojosa

Maria Hinojosa has reported hundreds of important stories—from the restrictive immigration policies in Fremont, Nebraska, to the effects of the oil boom on Native people in North Dakota, to stories of poverty in Alabama. In 2010, she created the Futuro Media Group, an independent, nonprofit organization based in Harlem, NYC with the mission to create multimedia content for and about the new American mainstream in the service of empowering people to navigate the complexities of an increasingly diverse and connected world.

Tania Chairez

Tania Chairez is an undocumented immigrant born in Chihuahua, Mexico and raised in Phoenix, Arizona. She received a B.S. from the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania and M.Ed. from Grand Canyon University. For the past decade, Tania has prioritized her passion for the intersection of immigration and education as a grassroots community organizer and educator in secondary and post-secondary spaces. Watch her TedX Talk on being Undocumented and Unafraid and uplift her nonprofit, Convivir Colorado, which supports immigrant and refugee students. She currently sits on the Board of Directors for the Colorado Immigrant Rights Coalition, Joy as Resistance, and Free Migration Project.

Arturo O’Farrill

Arturo O’Farrill: Pianist, composer, and educator, Arturo O’Farrill, was born in Mexico and grew up in New York City. His professional career began with the Carla Bley Band and continued as a solo performer with a wide spectrum of artists including Dizzy Gillespie, Lester Bowie, Wynton Marsalis, and Harry Belafonte. Arturo’s well-reviewed and highly praised “Afro-Latin Jazz Suite” from the album CUBA: The Conversation Continues (Motéma) took the 2016 Grammy Award for Best Instrumental Composition and the 2016 Latin Grammy Award for Best Latin Jazz Album. His powerful “Three Revolutions” from the album Familia-Tribute to Chico and Bebo was the 2018 Grammy Award (his sixth) winner for Best Instrumental Composition.

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Full Episode Transcript

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Kirsten Wilson, Host (00:09): From Motus Theater, welcome to the Shoebox Stories podcast, where we invite you to stand in someone else's shoes. I'm Motus' artistic director, Kirsten Wilson. For our first podcast series, UndocuAmerica, Motus asks a prominent American to stand in the shoes of an undocumented person, by reading aloud their story, saying their words, and holding, for a moment, the weight that they carry. By reading the story handed to them in the studio, the reader is not saying they agree with everything written, they are simply agreeing to suspend judgment and feel the impact as they word-by-word experience the world through another's eyes. Our guest reader is the founder of Futuro Media, Group and the lead anchor, and executive producer of Latino USA, Maria Hinojosa

Maria Hinojosa (01:17): We're all saying, "Y'all had been sleeping while we've become dehumanized."

Kirsten Wilson (01:21): She will be reading the story of Tania Chairez, a college advisor who grew up undocumented under the threat of Sheriff Joe Arpaio in Arizona. Tania shares her struggles to protect good parents just like her own from the attacks against the immigrant community. After the reading and reflection, we have music from Grammy Award-winning Afro-Latin jazz pianist Arturo O'Farrill. He listened to Tania's story, and then sat down and improvised a passionate musical response.

Now, Maria Hinojosa, reading Tania Chairez's story entitled Listen To Your Heart.

Maria Hinojosa (01:59): I often hear that the only way to get people to care about my struggles as an undocumented woman is to ask them to imagine me as their daughter or their sister, but I have my own parents and siblings. My mere humanity deserves respect. I was taught at school in this country that my contributions to society are all that should matter, so I've done everything in my power to be at the top of my class, to get into a good college, to volunteer, work hard, pay taxes, to prove I'm worthy. I am worthy, with or without all of that effort, even though I often get treated quite literally like an alien, or essentially a criminal, simply because I don't have an official document calling me a citizen.

Maria Hinojosa (02:55): I also want you to know I'm proud of my Mexican heritage, although it took almost two decades for me to embrace it. You see, from ages five to 18, I grew up in Phoenix, Arizona, a place where an anti-immigrant sheriff named Joe Arpaio ruled. He put undocumented Mexican immigrants in chain gang shackles, made the men wear pink underwear to humiliate them. He literally celebrated spending less money on his inmates than on his dog. This was somehow acceptable.

I grew up constantly striving to prove that I wasn't dirty, lazy, criminal, or shameful, that I wasn't worth less than a dog. I now finally have a sense of my own value, so to feel my life under attack and you do nothing? It's like my humanity doesn't matter? That baffles me. It's just inconceivable that the very ground under my feet is falling away, and I could be deported, put into a detention center, separated from my family, lose my job, my mortgage, all that I've built, and yet, somehow you, my friends, neighbors, the people at the coffee shop, the grocery store, you listening, don't see my situation as urgent and get up and do something about it.

Maria Hinojosa (04:22): My entire community of documented and undocumented people is under attack everywhere, left and right, day after day. It seems you think you've done your job, simply by liking my article on Facebook, "sad crying face", maybe even "angry face". You think you've done enough by staying caught up on the news, so you have something to lament at the dinner table? My life is not a talking point. My life is not something you can use to uplift your liberal agenda.

Don't you dare pity me or send me your prayers. Do something. Call your senator, your immigrant-phobic family. Show up at an immigrant rights meeting. Because everyday that you don't take action is another that the status quo prevails. The status quo is painful. Even if I still have my family intact, because it hurts physically, emotionally, mentally that you don't care enough to give your time and effort to help me and your fellow human beings.

Maria Hinojosa (05:27): Because while you go about your business, your health goals and your gratitude posts, those of us on the front lines of the Trump administration's attacks are fighting against the limited hours in a day. Because there's never enough time to work our 60-hour jobs and then go to meeting after meeting, plan events, protests, fundraisers and teach-ins, pouring our energy from what quickly becomes an empty cup. Somehow, at the same time, it's still our job to educate you on how our life depends on your voice, your vote, your money, and your willingness to show up.

It's not like I enjoy the fact that I need you, but I do. I'm exhausted from pulling your weight and begging you to act like a citizen in a democracy. Because you aren't pulling your weight, my mental health is suffering, because I need rest, too, but right now I'm afraid that if I don't go to that extra meeting, if I don't share that petition, if I don't convince everyone that this is urgent, then more people will get deported, sometimes sent to their death. Another family will be torn apart.

Maria Hinojosa (06:47): You see, it's urgent for us all the time. Someplace, deep inside you, you must know that it's urgent, too. You must. So please, just for a moment, pause, breathe. Can you see me? I'm afraid. I'm afraid that in the end, no matter how much I fought for others, I won't be able to save my own family from deportation. Have you seen the pictures from our borders? Innocent families with young children and elders, tear gassed for seeking refuge. Do you know what's happening across our country? Hardworking immigrants, good parents, just like mine, locked away like criminals in detention centers, young children separated from their parents in these terrible tent camps, exposed to abuse, dying from dehydration and untreated infections.

Maria Hinojosa (07:55): Do you see a war? Do you at least see the semblance to concentration camps? Can you feel your own heart telling you, "It is urgent,"? Please, listen to your heart, not just for me or for the undocumented community, but for your own humanity, too. Please. It's urgent.

Kirsten Wilson (08:27): Maria, before you read this story, Tania read her story directly to you alone and through a lot of tears. Would you tell Tania what it was like to listen to her tell her story in preparation for you reading it aloud?

Maria Hinojosa (08:42): So, what's it like? Usually, I'm the one who's asking the questions and recording. I'm the one who's having to listen as the journalist, and so, even though I try to beat back tears, it never works because in my role as a journalist, actually, there has to be that emotional response. Otherwise, why would anybody trust me with their story? But it definitely was different to not have the protection of my microphone in front of you.

Tania Chairez (09:15): Yeah.

Maria Hinojosa (09:16): And to rather have you just reading it straight to me. The combination of all of the sadness and then the anger, and the frustration. Every minute that somebody isn't doing something is a minute when it's not just the status quo, it's getting worse. It is actually a plea to every single person around us, "Can you just make sure you do something, like, today?"

Tania Chairez (09:42): Like, right now, please.

Maria Hinojosa (09:43): Right now, just do something, even if it's going to the place where the day laborers are and just driving by and saying, “buenos días ¿cómo andamos?”

Tania Chairez (09:52): Yeah.

Maria Hinojosa (09:56): "You guys hungry?" Coño, just buy a pizza so that people know that they're not invisible.

Tania Chairez (10:01): Yeah.

Maria Hinojosa (10:02): But anyway, I thank you for making it so personal and for having the capacity to read me your story.

Tania Chairez (10:09): Thank you for listening.

Kirsten Wilson (10:12): Tania, do you want to tell Maria anything about what inspires you to be willing to put out your personal story?

Tania Chairez (10:19): I started sharing my story publicly when I was 18 years old. After sharing my story publicly for so many years, at some point it just becomes a political tool. It's like, I'm going to tell you a piece of myself, so that I can hopefully move this politician a little closer to where I want them to be. Then, after the 2016 election, I was like, "This isn't working for me. I can't just be giving away pieces of myself so that maybe someone will do something."

And so, I wanted to share my story in a different way. I wanted to be very honest about how I'm feeling. If I'm feeling this way, there are hundreds of other people feeling the same, if not worse, and so I have to tell people how this is impacting our community. How their inaction is making things worse, because it matters.

Maria Hinojosa (11:32): There's nothing that's unclear about how you feel and your motivation, which I know is the same as mine. We're trying to be really patriotic here. We're trying to be really good Americans here. You know, Americans en el sentido de Americanos, right? Just people who are engaged.

Tania Chairez (11:51): Yeah.

Maria Hinojosa (11:52): You did a good job of letting people know how you feel.

Tania Chairez (11:57): Yeah, and I think that feeling is, unless people feel it, then they might not carry it into action. That's what worries me, right, that someone will listen to my story and be like, "Wow, that was so emotional. That was so much," and then they go on with their day. They become part of the people at the grocery store who are just hanging out.

Kirsten Wilson (12:23): Maria, would you tell Tania what it was like to hold the weight of her story and read it directly back to her?

Maria Hinojosa (12:31): The thing is is that, I know so many Tanias. I have so many Tanias in my life. They're with me every morning when I wake up. You're with me in my classes, you're with me in my office. You're with me everywhere, even though you don't know it. Tania, who I just met, is with me all the time, most notably at four o'clock or five o'clock in the morning. That's when I'm thinking about baby Tania, baby Tania, who's in a cage.

Tania's in front of me today, but you're with me all the time. It's also about finding happy, beautiful Tania, with the perfect face, amazing hair, great style, beautiful eyes, fabulous lips. Who's here with somebody who loves her. It's about finding her joy, as part of our resistance. Thank you for being here.

Tania Chairez (13:49): Thank you.

Kirsten Wilson (13:52): Tania, do you want to tell Maria what it was like to hear her read your story and hold that response?

Tania Chairez (14:00): I mean, this is funny, but I first kept thinking, "That's Maria Hinojosa's voice reading my story," just because you know, you're on the radio. Your voice is what people hear. But I think hearing my story coming from someone else is really difficult, because it's like, "Wow, yeah, I'm definitely very pissed off. I'm definitely very sad. I'm definitely frustrated."

You can hear it in my story, and I don't hear my story when I hear, when I say it, but I hear it when you say it. It's not okay.

Maria Hinojosa (14:44): What's not okay?

Tania Chairez (14:49): It's not okay that I have all of that anger and frustration and sadness, because there is so much joy in my life as well. But the politics of this world have made it so that I need to share my frustration and my anger, so that hopefully people will take action. So that they will, not hopefully, so that they will, but it is unfair.

I also don't want it to sound like a terrible sob story, right? We have enough of those, but thank you for reading my story.

Maria Hinojosa (15:35): You definitely are angry, that's for sure. There's no doubt. You wrote this at a time when you were really angry, but you know what? That's what it looks like, too. Anger is another emotion, just like exasperation, tears, frustration, love, and anger can spur people just like love can. You can't hide the anger. I mean, you just can't.

Tania Chairez (16:02): No.

Maria Hinojosa (16:03): You know, you just can't, so actually, I'm glad you put it down on paper. Sometimes we have to hear it.

Tania Chairez (16:10): Yeah. I'm a very nice person, smiling. For me to be angry is, it's like a whole different version of myself, but that's the version of myself that comes out so often now. I'm still angry. I mean, I didn't write that today, but I'm still angry.

Maria Hinojosa (16:36): Me, too. We just met today, but this is like the running thing, in particular this past weekend, when I've been thinking about how I have to write the final chapter to my memoir. They're like, "Make it positive." I don't want to be pleading, right, because it's just like, I don't want to be yet another pleading Mexican, you know. But we're all saying, "Y'all have been sleeping while we've become dehumanized. You've been sleeping, and everybody was just like, 'Oh, it's just immigrants. They're illegal anyway, so,'". Our mutual call is to say, "You need to wake up and take part in your democracy," so it's not just you. It's not just me. It's not hundreds. It's tens of thousands of us, hundreds of thousands of us.

Tania Chairez (17:48): Absolutely. You know, sometimes I feel like, as an undocumented person I'm doing more in this democracy than U.S. citizens, and it seems insane to me that such a high privilege of being able to vote, of being able to enact the citizenship that people have, and it's just kind of like, "Ugh, whatever." I'm just like, "No, that's so important. I'm doing everything that I can to have that." I'm doing a lot to have a part of that.

Maria Hinojosa (18:31): I feel you.

Kirsten Wilson (18:34): Before we end, we have an opportunity to take a few breaths together and then see if there are any last words to be spoken before we leave this room.

Maria Hinojosa (18:44): I guess I would have a question for you, because I'm a journalist. Where do you find your strength?

Tania Chairez (18:50): I find my strength in thinking, "What did my ancestors have to survive for me to be here?" And they survived so much, and not only did they survive, but they thrived. Then, I look at my present, and I think about my community. The people around me who are fighting, who are doing something. Every single day, they get up, they do what they have to do, and they fight for a better tomorrow.

In the middle of all the terrible things happening in the world, it's incredible to know that there are people who are making it through and putting their everything into making the world a better place. That's what gives me strength, because at the end of the day, I know it's not just me. I know it's not just us. It's many people, and with many people I know we can do it.

Maria Hinojosa (19:55): I also want to thank you for being super honest about growing up, self-hating. I think it's very important that we label that. We grow up feeling less than, as Mexicans. Not because we're born that way, but because everything in this society has made us feel that way. Then, we have to reclaim our love for ourselves and our love for our ancestral power, but I worry our fellow Latinos and Latinas and immigrants, who will stay in the part of self hatred. That's what it looks like.

Acknowledging it, saying that you've been there, I think is super important. Thank you for saying that.

Tania Chairez (20:35): Absolutely. That's why we have to change the narrative, right? If we can change that narrative, the current narrative of fear that's in the media, to say, "Mexican immigrants are powerful. Mexican immigrants are resilient. Mexican immigrants are everywhere around us, doing X, Y, and Z," then maybe the little girl that I once was might have seen something better.

Maria Hinojosa (21:04): That's what we're going to do. What we're going to do is to make sure that we have for her another image. I'm covering the story of a little boy who came mute from Central America. In the end, he's learning how to speak, not one but two languages.

Tania Chairez (21:23): Beautiful.

Maria Hinojosa (21:24): He'll be the survivor, and my image is that he's going to somehow end up being an elected official and change society. We hold onto these dreams, because we have to. Thank you for sharing yours with me.

Tania Chairez (21:41): Absolutely. Thank you for doing something. It's all we can ask of anyone else.

Kirsten Wilson (21:49): Tania, did you also have a last question or any last words for Maria?

Tania Chairez (21:54): Thank you. I know you're very busy, and there are so many things happening in the world and in your life. It makes a lot of difference for even one person to pay attention, because then it's a ripple effect, right? I think there are so many undocumented people out there that just need to feel like they're not invisible. They need to feel like someone is listening.

Even more than that, what are we going to do now that we've listened? What are we going to do now that my story is held in your arms and in your heart? I hope that whoever does listen, I hope that it's more than that, because listening only goes so far. I think we have to take steps forward, and that's what my entire monologue is about. I want more than just people to listen. I want so much more. Thank you for making the space today.

Maria Hinojosa (22:56): Thank you.

Tania Chairez (22:57): It was a pleasure to meet you.

Maria Hinojosa (22:57): You're a badass.

Tania Chairez (22:57): Gracias.

Kirsten Wilson (25:25): The great Arturo O'Farrill, improvising a musical response inspired by Tania's story. You can watch a video of Tania reading her own story on our webpage, Shoeboxstories.org, or hear her read it to Maria Hinojosa on our companion podcast, Motus Monologues, UndocuAmerica Series.

We hope you will share Tania's story with your friends and family, so everyone knows the people whose lives are at stake in U.S. immigration policy.

Next month on the Shoebox Stories UndocuAmerica Series, hear co-founder of Black Lives Matter and founder of Dignity and Power Now, Patrisse Cullors, read the story of Armando Peniche. Thank you to Maria Hinojosa, Tania Chairez, Arturo O'Farrill, and all of you listening who are willing to stand in the shoes of someone with a different experience than your own and see the world for a moment through their eyes.

Take good care of yourselves, those you hold dear, and your neighbors, both those near and far.

We are grateful for the Shoebox Stories creative team, including Carlos Heredia, theme song, Anthony Salvo, violin underscore, Alejandro Fuentes Mena, vocals, Robert Johnson, vocals. The podcast content editor Motus Artistic Director Kirsten Wilson. Technical editors Sam Glover, and Douglass Reid. The Motus Theater production team, Rita Valente-Quinn, Michelle Maughn, and Kiara Chavez. And Motus UndocuMonologists: Victor Galvan, Tania Chairez, Reydesel Salvidrez-Rodriguez, Laura Peniche, Kiara Chavez, Juan Juarez, Irving Reza, Cristian Solano-Cordova, Armando Peniche, and Alejandro Fuentes Mena.